Army of Evil Pacifists and Giant Chickens

Lago PARANOIA · Post by **Lago PARANOIA** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 4:50 am

CapnPirateG wrote:You're more like Terry Goodkind and his retarded army of EVUL PACIFISTS and THE UNHOLY DOOM CHICKEN, but without any prose or command of the English language. Or shit, your custom setting reminds me of Shannara - I've seen all this shit before, there is nothing interesting or new about the setting besides maybe one detail, the plot is a band of fucking cliches, your NPCs are retards who don't understand the world they live in, treat us like shit, and expect not to get murderized.

What the hell? What campaign settings were these?

CapnTthePirateG · Post by **CapnTthePirateG** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 5:07 am

Terry Goodkind's the sword of truth series. It's a fucking retarded ass series, where the protagonists are Ayn Randian Objectivists, but also evil dictators who make everyone swear loyalty to them. The morality operates on the level of "you can do whatever you want to the bad guys, because they're BAD GUYS!"

Anyway, to get on with the references, the army of evil pacifists is when the protagonist kills a bunch of anti-war protestors who don't want to fight the evil bad guys who are known for razing towns and being evil communist/fascist/Christian rapists. Then in the same series, there's some kind of evil chimes or something unleashed by the protagonists to fix the main character's disease. They start taking over random stuff, including the possession of an evil chicken which attacks the mindrapist love interest.

It's an interesting series, if you don't mind being preached at every other page and like dues ex machinas.

This was my comment on how most of the "story is god, fuck the rules" DMs don't actually have good stories.

EDIT: A dude reads the chicken part here.

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 5:24 am

Wow that reading of Doom chicken makes it reach some Ed Woodsian so-horribly-bad-its-awesome

CapnTthePirateG · Post by **CapnTthePirateG** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 5:43 am

The force behind the chicken is one of the main evil forces in the series. Yep.

PhoneLobster · Post by **PhoneLobster** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 7:07 am

Josh_Kablack wrote:Wow that reading of Doom chicken makes it reach some Ed Woodsian so-horribly-bad-its-awesome

Somewhere a fraction shy of 100% of the female cast of the long, long series were ALL S&M Nuns of one shape or another, there were at least FOUR separate ORGANIZATIONS of S&M Nuns in the world just to keep track of the apparently massive S&M Nun population. Edit: One organization of S&M nuns were the previous mind rapists who made their victims so horny for them that it could kill them, and another, no joke, ran around killing people with magic rubber pain dildos. No really. NO REALLY. Edit: Wait, and come to think of it one of the other organizations ran around leashing and collaring and taming wild man-men-wizards and the other was a secret branch of the man tamers that worked for SATAN. I'm pretty sure I am also forgetting some other organizations, like the one which was just that one sexy illusionist who lived in a swamp and kept the protagonists professional predecessor AS A PET GIMP.

But nothing beats the fact that after numerous vast and ridiculous plot developments over a massive rambling incoherent series the protagonist defeated the ultimate evil largely by means of stripping mostly naked and winning an ultra violence super grid iron championship. Oh and splitting the universe into two and dooming his enemies and all their descendants to live in the sucky non-magical half for all eternity. But that also somehow hinged on the supa-gridiron manfest... somehow. It's kinda a blur now. Reading any of his books from somewhere about the second one onwards was a great deal like going on a week long drinking/hangover/drinking/hangover bender...

K · Post by K » Sun Sep 11, 2011 7:25 am

I got about thirty pages into the Sword of Truth before I had to stop. It read like a rather isolated 13-year-old's wankfest setting.

It's good to know that I was spared evil chickens.

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 7:38 am

K wrote:It's good to know that I was spared evil chickens.

That is all kinds of backwards. Who doesn't want evil fucking chickens?

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:02 pm

PhoneLobster wrote:winning an ultra violence super grid iron championship. Oh and splitting the universe into two and dooming his enemies and all their descendants to live in the sucky non-magical half for all eternity. But that also somehow hinged on the supa-gridiron manfest

What's wrong with that? Did he ruin it with Aussie rules or somesuch ?

Winnah · Post by **Winnah** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:20 pm

Gridiron...That's that American game where fat guys wear armour to play Rugby right?

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:21 pm

Josh_Kablack wrote:
PhoneLobster wrote:winning an ultra violence super grid iron championship. Oh and splitting the universe into two and dooming his enemies and all their descendants to live in the sucky non-magical half for all eternity. But that also somehow hinged on the supa-gridiron manfest
What's wrong with that? Did he ruin it with Aussie rules or somesuch ?

Well, as I understand, he made a world specifically for his enemies, and made it with no magic. No magic, no afterlife. Then after a while, they started worshipping the creator of their world and called him God.

Yes, that means exactly what you think it means.

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:25 pm

Dang, I stopped reading the Sword of Truth after it became apparent that female characters did not exist in Goodkind's world. And now you tell me that I missed out on S&M nuns?

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:29 pm

Winnah wrote:Gridiron...That's that American game where fat guys wear armour to play Rugby right?

Yes.

It's awesome to the tune of over $9 + billion a year (gross revenue). Why you furriners insist on dragging it down by attaching the same name to a sport that can barely break a billion (revenue) in a big World Cup year is a mystery to all Americans. Apparently Rugby comes in with around 100 million in revenue, far behind either.

Edit: Of course, Doom chickens are usually associated with yet another sport:

Fuchs · Post by **Fuchs** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:48 pm

Josh_Kablack wrote:It's awesome to the tune of over $9 + billion a year (gross revenue). Why you furriners insist on dragging it down by attaching the same name to a sport that can barely break a billion (revenue) in a big World Cup year is a mystery to all Americans. Apparently Rugby comes in with around 100 million in revenue, far behind either.

I take it you have no idea how much money Football makes outside the US.

The champion's league in Europe alone dealt out around 750M to the clubs that took part as their cut.

The premier league in England made around 2.5 Billions alone.

I mean, honestly, did you think the World Cup was all there was to football?

Winnah · Post by **Winnah** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:50 pm

Revenue is determining factor in value? I guess us backward foreiners prefer sportsmanship to sponsorship. Our Rugby and Aussie rules players probably couldn't afford armour anyway.

On the subject of [EDITED] work, i stopped reading after I noticed parralels between his work and Jordans Wheel of Time series (which i also never bothered finishing). Everything introduced after the original book seemed like it was ripped off from other series I was reading at the time.

CapnTthePirateG · Post by **CapnTthePirateG** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:52 pm

Well, at least it wasn't as blatant as certain other series (cough cough Inheritance cough cough)

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 4:21 pm

Ok so the first figger I pulled off the intertron was wrong. So your most profitable league has 2.5 pounds billion in revenue. Our biggest league has over 9 billion dollars in revenue. That still means you're just dragging down the brand

I don't really care about your also-rans, because heck, just my own hometown fields at teams in at least Three, Different, Such leagues and we're not even a large city.

Fuchs · Post by **Fuchs** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 4:29 pm

Josh_Kablack wrote:Ok so the first figger I pulled off the intertron was wrong. So your most profitable league has 2.5 pounds billion in revenue. Our biggest league has over 9 billion dollars in revenue. That still means you're just dragging down the brand

I don't really care about your also-rans, because heck, just my own hometown fields at teams in at least Three, Different, Such leagues and we're not even a large city.

You should sometimes maybe try to understand that there's a whole world outside the US.

I would guess that Europe's football alone has more money, fans and players than American Football. And we're not that crazy about it compared to South- and Central america.

Whipstitch · Post by **Whipstitch** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 5:59 pm

The Sword Of Truth series might be the most cynically wanky thing I've ever encountered. Honestly, it's not even the handling of sexuality that's the most damning thing about it for me--which, is saying something, because holy shit, does the use of sexuality read as exploitive-- but how self-indulgent and pretentious it is on every level. You really have to read the "Evil Pacifist" bit to believe it. Here's the excerpt:

" A plump, curly-haired woman took a step out from the others. Her round face was red with anger as she screamed. "Stop the hate! No war! Stop the hate! No war!"
"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed.
The red-faced woman shook her fleshy fist at Richard and his men, leading an angry chant. "Murderers! Murderers! Murderers!"
On his way past her, gritting his teeth as he screamed with the fury of the attack begun, Richard took a powerful swing, lopping off the woman's head and upraised arm. Strings of blood and gore splashed across the faces behind her even as some still chanted their empty words. The head and loose arm tumbled through the crowd. A man mad the mistake of reaching for Richard's weapon, and took the full weight of a charging thrust.
Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men. They were met with swift and deadly steel."

You just know Goodkind had a chubby while writing that.[/i]

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:42 pm

Fuchs wrote:You should sometimes maybe try to understand that there's a whole world outside the US.

I would guess that Europe's football alone has more money, fans and players than American Football. .

You would guess wrong on money - maybe you should realize that I'm only insufferably American when I'm right

Fans are probably uncountable either way.

And heck, we can argue players a bunch. Does your city field a major league team, 3 other league teams and 4 university teams? All strictly within city limits? For a city of just over 300,000 residents?

Because mine totally does.

http://www.cmu.edu/athletics/sports/football/index.html
http://www.pittsburghpanthers.com/sport ... -body.html
http://www.goduquesne.com/sports/m-foot ... -body.html
http://www.rmucolonials.com/SportSelect ... PSID=59576

Fuchs · Post by **Fuchs** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 11:06 pm

Josh_Kablack wrote:
Fuchs wrote:You should sometimes maybe try to understand that there's a whole world outside the US.

I would guess that Europe's football alone has more money, fans and players than American Football. .
You would guess wrong on money - maybe you should realize that I'm only insufferably American when I'm right

Fans are probably uncountable either way.

And heck, we can argue players a bunch. Does your city field a major league team, 3 other league teams and 4 university teams? All strictly within city limits? For a city of just over 300,000 residents?

Because mine totally does.

http://www.cmu.edu/athletics/sports/football/index.html
http://www.pittsburghpanthers.com/sport ... -body.html
http://www.goduquesne.com/sports/m-foot ... -body.html
http://www.rmucolonials.com/SportSelect ... PSID=59576

Actually, my city with a bit over 300K people fields 2 major league teams, and a number of lower league teams. Depending on how low you go we've got 56 groups with at least one team each in total.

As far as money goes:

http://www.deloitte.com/view/en_GX/glob ... 0aRCRD.htm

"Despite significant economic headwinds, the European football market grew by 4 percent (€0.6 billion) in revenue terms to €16.3 billion in 2009/10"

That's euro, not dollar.

ishy · Post by **ishy** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 11:26 pm

Josh_Kablack wrote:<snip>
4 university teams?
<snip>

How does that work actually? Our univercities over here don't have any official sport teams at all.
Are they actually organized by the univercities and are they in special leagues or something?

A Man In Black · Post by **A Man In Black** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 11:34 pm

ishy wrote:How does that work actually? Our univercities over here don't have any official sport teams at all.
Are they actually organized by the univercities and are they in special leagues or something?

The NCAA organizes leagues of collegiate sports teams, each of which is sponsored by a university and composed of students at that university. They organize leagues for many sports, but only a few of those leagues (specifically, Division I football and basketball) are significant spectator sports in their own right. The competitors are all amateurs (with rules forbidding payment and limiting other incentives, such as scholarships), but the sports are big money for the schools and other interested parties.

NCAA Division I-A football (what most Americans mean when they talk about college football) draws more people per game than any American professional sports league save the NFL, so it is a big deal.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 11:48 pm

Edit: AMIB said it better.

Gx1080 · Post by **Gx1080** » Sun Sep 11, 2011 11:51 pm

Back on topic, here's a funny takedown of Goodkind's work:

http://sandstormreviews.blogspot.com/20 ... odies.html

name_here · Post by **name_here** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:27 am

Getting invited to play on a sports team for massive quantities of killing is actually the sort of thing that I can imagine showing up in some sort of parody and being funny.